A free-verse poem, expressing a lot of my feelings for the last few months. I know I've been silent but I find it hard to interact when my emotions are this all over the place. Feeling more even and stable now – we'll see how it goes.
Warning: References to negativity and bigotry.
It's been a roller-coaster of emotions.
Of feeling good, feeling bad,
feeling both, and feeling neither.
Of feeling good in the morning
but bad in the evening.
Of feeling love,
for friends and family.
Who do their best to be supportive
when you are feeling down
and smiling with you when you feel good.
Who offer hugs when you need them
and accept your hugs when they need them.
Of feeling grief,
for those who are no longer with us.
Sometimes the lost one is human,
sometimes they are not.
Both are precious and
both are equally missed
by those they leave behind.
Of feeling happiness,
at a beautiful day.
Hearing the birds sing,
feeling the warmth of the sun
on your skin.
Of feeling anger,
when people are cruel or unfair or both.
At every injustice until all
you want to do is scream.
Sometimes it seems like
you are screaming into a void
for all that people listen
but the anger has to go somewhere.
And better into your voice
than into your fists.
Of feeling determination,
that you can do better than them,
the unthinking cruel masses
who only think of themselves.
To try to think for yourself,
to look outside the box.
To ask questions, reach out to others.
Of feeling pride,
when people do right by others.
And treat themselves well.
Of feeling disappointment
when people fail to be kind
or just to be fair.
Of feeling frustration
that no one seems to care.
That no one seems to want to listen.
That no one seems to even want to try.
Of feeling joy,
that some people do care.
That some people do listen.
That some people try to help
make things better.
Maybe they don't succeed
but at least they tried.
At feeling tired,
because it's been a long day.
Or you are unwell.
Those days where even the simplest tasks
feel insurmountably difficulty.
Climb Mount Everest,
your body and mind seems to say.
It would be easier than this.
Of feeling compassion,
for others and their struggles and their pain.
For reaching out, even knowing
that the other might lash out in their pain.
Because they hurt and someone should care.
And that someone might as well be you.
Of feeling fear,
that they are going hurt you.
And hurt your loved ones.
Because neither of you are like them.
And for that, they think you deserve to be hurt.
Hurt until you die or promise to lie to yourself
and pretend to be like them.
Hurt you until they teach you to be
so afraid that you are willing to cram yourself
into their neat little box
and say it's fine, you're happy being in there.
It's natural, they say, pleased with your submission.
It's not fine.
You're not happy.
And it isn't natural at all.
Of feeling hope,
that everyone has given in.
Not everyone has accepted the status quo.
That someday, you will not have to fear
for yourself and your loved ones.
Simply because you or they aren't
the right sex or the right gender.
Because your and their skin is dark.
Because one or both of you are queer or ace.
Because your bodies aren't factory standard.
That one day,
you will not have to fight
to be seen as person.
To be seen as unbroken
To be seen as real.
To be seen as simply different or yourself
rather than wrong.
It feels a long way off,
that magical time.
Sometimes it feels impossibly far away,
a neverland of once upon time
that will only ever exist in dreams.
But that's exactly what they want us to think.
They want us to believe that it is impossible.
But it's not.
Let's ride the roller-coaster together
and do the impossible.