http://ala-bibi.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] ala-bibi.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] shiori_makiba 2016-08-12 06:48 am (UTC)

Typo?

>>It also made him determined to show them
that anyone whoever said otherwise were wrong.<<
Might be a stylistic effect, in which case feel free to ignore me, but don't you mean 'who ever', as in every person, past and future who did the thing? Because I'm pretty sure 'whoever', the way it's currently written, means basically the same thing as 'anyone', and the repetition doesn't make much sense to me, in context.

BTW, random brain is random, but Jean-Claude + clothe/fashion, especially Goth/Victorian/Old Noble style make it so every time we hear about him, I see a long, dark-haired, blue-eyed, French Vampire, which is... probably not what you're going for.

<3 this poem, and I would have given half the world to have found it years ago. Alas, it was sadly unwritten, and I didn't have near enough comprehension of the language even if it had been offered. But it would have saved me a lot of tear and pain... Still resonate strongly here and now. Good Job.

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