A03 Posting: Childhood Games

[shiori_makiba]

 "Childhood Games" is being posted on AO3. It's another LIFC inspired piece.

Comments

goodie!

[thnidu]

And ttypo-y things, of course.

Ch1
•Some of it's game pieces were missing but peddles made a fine substitute.
-> its
-> pebbles

Ch2
•All the fragments features a tall but very skinny kid
-> featured

•Confusingly in some of ^ card fragments,
^ the

•before cold and pain steals them away.
-> steal

•that don't scattered out of reach.
-> scatter OR get scattered

Ch3
I like it too.

Ch4
:-)

Ch5
•It was ^ very simple game.
^ a

Ch6
• Punny Bruce / punnies
> I'm pretty sure you mean Puny, punies.

•such loud, smelly, meanies
->such loud, smelly meanies.
> This use of commas (serial commas) goes between members of a set or series. "Loud" and "smelly" are both adjectives modifying "meanies"; they're a series of two, and a comma between them is just fine. But "meanies" is a noun and isn't part of the series.

Ch7
•once and awhile
-> once in a while
> Does it make sense to you now, spelled out this way? "Once in a period of time".

•he was it next round.
-> he was It OR he was "it"
> Without some indication, the word looks like it's in its ordinary use. Then the reader stumbles for a minute.


Me likes this.

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

All fixed now. Thanks again.

And I'm glad you enjoyed the poems.

Re: goodie!

[thnidu]

You're quite entirely welcome. My main fear with these is writing them to someone who doesn't want them.

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

Rest assured that I'm not one of them. I might hold on responding to them if my brain is not up to editing at the moment or making coherent text but they are always appreciated. :)

Re: goodie!

[thnidu]

PS on Chapter 6: One of my favorite lines ever (and I've only seen the trailers):
PUNY GOD!

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

Yes, that was laugh out loud funny.

Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith]

This is fun to read. I don't think you've linked it with LIFC on AO3 though, or at least I haven't seen a link notice for it, although I did get one for "Tunnel Vision."

Re: Yay!

[shiori_makiba]

It's got the Inspired link to LIFC thing in the first chapter and it goes to the first story when I click on it . . . so I have no idea why the link notice hasn't popped up. Maybe Internet gremlin ate it?

But I'm glad you liked the story. :)

Re: Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Scroll down to the bottom of "Love Is for Children" and you'll see a list of works inspired by it. This one is not listed there. Try going in to edit "Childhood Games" and look for the box where it says "this work was inspired by another work."

Re: Yay!

[shiori_makiba]

It claims to be linked now with Love Is For Children as the parent work.