A03 Posting: Childhood Games

[shiori_makiba]

 "Childhood Games" is being posted on AO3. It's another LIFC inspired piece.

Comments

goodie!

[thnidu]

And ttypo-y things, of course.

Ch1
•Some of it's game pieces were missing but peddles made a fine substitute.
-> its
-> pebbles

Ch2
•All the fragments features a tall but very skinny kid
-> featured

•Confusingly in some of ^ card fragments,
^ the

•before cold and pain steals them away.
-> steal

•that don't scattered out of reach.
-> scatter OR get scattered

Ch3
I like it too.

Ch4
:-)

Ch5
•It was ^ very simple game.
^ a

Ch6
• Punny Bruce / punnies
> I'm pretty sure you mean Puny, punies.

•such loud, smelly, meanies
->such loud, smelly meanies.
> This use of commas (serial commas) goes between members of a set or series. "Loud" and "smelly" are both adjectives modifying "meanies"; they're a series of two, and a comma between them is just fine. But "meanies" is a noun and isn't part of the series.

Ch7
•once and awhile
-> once in a while
> Does it make sense to you now, spelled out this way? "Once in a period of time".

•he was it next round.
-> he was It OR he was "it"
> Without some indication, the word looks like it's in its ordinary use. Then the reader stumbles for a minute.


Me likes this.

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

All fixed now. Thanks again.

And I'm glad you enjoyed the poems.

Re: goodie!

[thnidu]

You're quite entirely welcome. My main fear with these is writing them to someone who doesn't want them.

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

Rest assured that I'm not one of them. I might hold on responding to them if my brain is not up to editing at the moment or making coherent text but they are always appreciated. :)

Re: goodie!

[thnidu]

PS on Chapter 6: One of my favorite lines ever (and I've only seen the trailers):
PUNY GOD!

Re: goodie!

[shiori_makiba]

Yes, that was laugh out loud funny.