• Neither Nick or the other senior agents made any effort to enlightened the ignorant masses
-> enlighten
• They wouldn't believe it – learning that just because someone looks like mild-mannered accountant didn't mean they weren't just as capable, if not more so, of putting you in a body bag as the biggest bruisers was something only experience seemed to be able to teach.
> If you don't mind a bit of editorial advice, while technically there's nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, it's long, rambling, and very complex syntactically. By the time I reached the main verb phrase ("was something only experience seemed to be able to teach"), I had to go back and untangle the subject ("learning that just because someone looks like mild-mannered accountant didn't mean they weren't just as capable, if not more so, of putting you in a body bag as the biggest bruisers"). I suggest rewriting it completely, maybe into more than one sentence.
• Nick had been seeing a lot more of the later two than the first one lately.
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branchandroot
Says a lot about both Nick and Phil
Date: 2016-04-25 07:54 am (UTC)-> enlighten
• They wouldn't believe it – learning that just because someone looks like mild-mannered accountant didn't mean they weren't just as capable, if not more so, of putting you in a body bag as the biggest bruisers was something only experience seemed to be able to teach.
> If you don't mind a bit of editorial advice, while technically there's nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, it's long, rambling, and very complex syntactically. By the time I reached the main verb phrase ("was something only experience seemed to be able to teach"), I had to go back and untangle the subject ("learning that just because someone looks like mild-mannered accountant didn't mean they weren't just as capable, if not more so, of putting you in a body bag as the biggest bruisers"). I suggest rewriting it completely, maybe into more than one sentence.
• Nick had been seeing a lot more of the later two than the first one lately.
-> latter two
Re: Says a lot about both Nick and Phil
Date: 2016-04-25 08:30 am (UTC)Re: Says a lot about both Nick and Phil
Date: 2016-04-25 02:41 pm (UTC)